Celebrity Souls Now for Sale on Etsy

You know how sometimes, when you’re watching Jennifer Lawrence sell pure, dystopian angst as Katniss or win over legions of fans by tripping on red carpets, you really just want to bottle up her essence and save it for a rainy day? Of course you do. We all do.

Etsy user Molly Gates knew this better than anyone else, so she took the idea of bottling celebrity souls into mason jars and made it into a legitimate business. Gates sells the celestial spirits of the likes of Lawrence, Ryan Gosling, and Drake on her SoulsRUs site, where she also takes requests — requests within reason, of course.

“A few years ago, I saw a listing where some dude was selling his own soul in a plain, sealed mason jar for over $1,000,” Gates told us. “I wanted to do something similar for the Minneapolis College of Art and Design’s annual art sale, but instead of selling my own soul I’d sell celebrities’ instead. I also wanted to be able to see the soul in the jar, just so that customers would know that they’re getting a legit product and not just a $15 mason jar.”

And what — other than pure soul, of course — goes into these mason jars? That’s off the record, but Gates insists that customers will get what they paid for.

“I’ve perfected my reaping process over the years, now preferring to wait until my person of interest is asleep,” Gates said. “I sneak to their bed, do some hocus pocus and coax their soul out and into my waiting jar. I label each one and ship it the day following the reaping to ensure freshness.”

Sounds like quite the bargain. Oh, and in case you were looking to nab the soul of someone who isn’t a celebrity, know that Gates can do that, too. She can reap anyone, barring one major exception — she will not, under any circumstance, go after the soul of Kanye West.

“I don’t want to talk about what happened with Kanye,” Gates said.

Leave a comment:

showing all comments · Subscribe to comments
  1. casei posted on 10/08/2014 02:18 AM
    Make sure that whichever iPhone 5 case you choose, it should really be dust proof and also moisture resistant. These functions are necessary as usually dust will get inside and make the human body look like old in the few days use.
    Louis Vuitton phone case iphone 5S
    Gucci phone case iphone 5S
    Burberry phone case iphone 5S
  2. skyouts posted on 11/21/2014 11:02 PM
    But I spoke to five other folks who all espoused the "there's something out there" UGG Bailey Button Goedkope dogma. Even an older gent from Vancouver, British Columbia, Richard Stansfeld, who looks like everyone's friendly neighbor, was well versed in alien lore. "They say they secretly trucked the Roswell (scene of a purported UFO 2014 Goedkope Uggs Kopen crash in 1947) remains to Area 51," he said. "Of course, Hollywood Hollywoodized it a little bit. But I think there's something you and me don't know about. That's why they shoot you when you go near (Area 51). They hire these 'Camo Dude' guys and if you cross the line, they shoot you. UGG Classic Short Goedkope They got remote control cameras that track ya'.
  3. skyouts posted on 12/29/2014 01:29 AM
    Charities warned that these spending figures disguise another Britain, cheap air jordan shoes in which families have so little they are unable to afford basics such as food, heating and housing costs. As 2014 draws to a close there are 13 million people in poverty – including 27 per air jordan australia online cent of the 2.5 million children in the UK, according to the Child Poverty Action Group (CPAG). Inequality in the UK is now so extreme that the five richest families are wealthier than the bottom air jordan australia sale 20 per cent of the entire population, according to Oxfam.
showing all comments