Celebrity Souls Now for Sale on Etsy

You know how sometimes, when you’re watching Jennifer Lawrence sell pure, dystopian angst as Katniss or win over legions of fans by tripping on red carpets, you really just want to bottle up her essence and save it for a rainy day? Of course you do. We all do.

Etsy user Molly Gates knew this better than anyone else, so she took the idea of bottling celebrity souls into mason jars and made it into a legitimate business. Gates sells the celestial spirits of the likes of Lawrence, Ryan Gosling, and Drake on her SoulsRUs site, where she also takes requests — requests within reason, of course.

“A few years ago, I saw a listing where some dude was selling his own soul in a plain, sealed mason jar for over $1,000,” Gates told us. “I wanted to do something similar for the Minneapolis College of Art and Design’s annual art sale, but instead of selling my own soul I’d sell celebrities’ instead. I also wanted to be able to see the soul in the jar, just so that customers would know that they’re getting a legit product and not just a $15 mason jar.”

And what — other than pure soul, of course — goes into these mason jars? That’s off the record, but Gates insists that customers will get what they paid for.

“I’ve perfected my reaping process over the years, now preferring to wait until my person of interest is asleep,” Gates said. “I sneak to their bed, do some hocus pocus and coax their soul out and into my waiting jar. I label each one and ship it the day following the reaping to ensure freshness.”

Sounds like quite the bargain. Oh, and in case you were looking to nab the soul of someone who isn’t a celebrity, know that Gates can do that, too. She can reap anyone, barring one major exception — she will not, under any circumstance, go after the soul of Kanye West.

“I don’t want to talk about what happened with Kanye,” Gates said.

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