Bill & Connie's Blog!

My Name is Connie and my child is a biter.

Posted By: Connie Wray · 3/16/2012 11:13:00 AM

To me, Story is the sweetest 2-year-old on the planet. Her precious smile, infectious laugh and bright eyes seem so innocent. She could never be a biter. WRONG!! She not only bites, she scratches!! WHAT!? Not my child...well, thats what I thought. Until this week when she had, not one, but two, write-ups at school. It was kinda like a "real" girl fight. Another little girl was playing with a toy that Story wanted, so Story scratched the other little girl because she wanted the toy. The little girl reacted, like many girls do when a girl fight starts, she scratched back. That's when Story ended the battle by pulling a Mike Tyson and biting her finger.

My husband, Big B, texted me the news when he picked her up from school. I couldn't believe it, she's only there for 4 hours and she got 2 write ups? What was even worse was when he told me what the teacher said, "It happens a lot at this age. But its never happened with Story. She's always been so good." OH NO!! Story went from being sweet and innocent to the "BAD KID". Ok, maybe I'm over reacting but I don't want her to be THAT child...the one that was once good but is now BAD!

Of course I don't let her bite at home and if she does bite its off to timeout. But I had no idea how badly I'd want to go to time out after hearing she had done this at school. It was like, when it was at home, behind closed doors, no one knew the secret. Story was a biter! I wasn't a bad mother at home, because I could hide!!

Yes!! That is right where my mind went. I'm a bad Mom!! But I promise you I'M NOT. I have read EVERYTHING I can get my eyes on to help me deal with the biting issue. I talk to her and she knows how to say "NO BITE". But she still does it. When she bites me, she laughs, when she gets frustrated she bites her dolly. But I stick with it. I keep telling her no, I keep saying to be nice. I stick with the timeouts. I haven't bit her yet. One parenting book suggested it, while another book said "If you bite back, they think its ok." Man, these parenting books sure do confuse me!! 

The honest truth is, I can't bring myself to bite my child like an angry rabid dog. Not my style. I like kisses and hugs best!! Fine, call me a softy. I really don't care...ok, maybe I do.

The worst part was when I got home and asked Story, "Did you get in trouble today at school?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Did you bite someone?" And with her sweet smile and bright eyes, she held up her finger and said, "On the finger". Yep. That's my little bundle of joy. Happy that she knew where she bit her little friend from school.

I guess I just need to look at the positive. Story is smart. She knows what a finger is. And she knows how to bite it.

Anyone know if there is a "Parents of Children who Bite" support group? I might need their number.

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  1. JennaG posted on 03/16/2012 12:17 PM
    My boy bit me once! I warned him I would bite him back, if you can call it that, I put my mouth on his little hand and pressed with my teeth gently enough to just leave a tooth impression, I think the fact that I was willing to bite him back scared him into not doing it again!
  2. laureny posted on 03/16/2012 12:54 PM
    Easy fix that worked for my daughter 18 years ago.....a little Tabasco on the tongue and it stops instantly. Also works when you carry around a mini bottle in your purse and let her see it if she gets sassy later. : )
  3. MichelleB posted on 03/16/2012 02:45 PM
    Bite back..obviously not hard but do it. Let her know that it hurts. I've done it and it stopped pretty quickly. Parenting is difficult but also rewarding. Stay strong Connie!
  4. TaraM_2 posted on 03/16/2012 08:42 PM
    Hi Connie, I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination, but here is my opinion. Story may be on a higher level of thought processing then where her language skills are at, so she bites and scratches. Not that that behavior is okay. My Youngest would only bite one girl a lot. I was good friends with the mom and we tried many failed attempts to stop the behavior, My daughter figured it out on her own....she would kind of tattle on the other little girl. She would come and get Me or the other mom and take us to what she wanted from the other child.
    My daughter is now 14 and a non biter, she is not a delinquent . She is very polite and an above average student.
    You will just have find out what works best for you and Story it may take time. Have no fear she will not bite for ever, you are a good Mom. Hang in there.
  5. MichelleJ posted on 02/07/2013 10:00 AM
    Connie,

    Small children do not have an understanding of self expression when they are young. Conflict resolution is not a part of their understanding. We learn to be responsible for our actions toward others at this age. She probably had some sort of disagreement and rather than using words. She bit another child. In her mind the retaliation was justified. Unless she is just running around biting everyone. There are two parts to resolving this issue. The first part is teaching her to resolve conflict by teaching her what the proper words are to deal with the situation. This can be accomplished through roll play and discussion about what words are appropriate to handle conflict. The second thing is that time out is only useful if the child is excluded from an activity that the child wants to do. Otherwise it has little effect. Children at this age do not care about verbal reprimands. It is important for the punishment to be carried out immediately and correspond to the child's behavior. When my children were small and they hurt someone I made them apologize and then do something for that person. This teaches them responsibility toward others. At that age it may mean that she has to hand over the good toys to this child for a week in order to understand sharing and proper behavior. The punishment should always fit the crime. This same thing goes for when she bites you. If time out is not working, then don't use it. Chances are she knows she will go to time out and no longer sees it as "that bad".

    Michelle J. B.S.c
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