Breaking News: The Government Has Announced Mermaids Don't Exist
Here's some CRUCIAL information from YOUR United States government to keep in mind as you go snorkeling this summer. You will not run into any mermaids.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration just added a page to the "Ocean Facts" section of their website declaring that MERMAIDS DON'T EXIST. "No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found." Now you know.