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And Now: Chris Brown Explains How to Keep Your Woman in Line


On Friday, we heard that CHRIS BROWN hijacked the microphone at a club early Thursday morning, yelled, "[Eff] DRAKE!", and sang a few songs.  Well, here's something that didn't make it into that initial report:

Chris also gave the crowd a tip on how to keep a woman in line.  Because, you know, he's the FIRST guy I go to when I have questions about women.  He said, "Every guy in this building has said one thing to their female.  If you're not an insecure [N-word], and you let her have fun with her friends, I applaud you.  But you gotta say that one thing to her, and I made this [stuff] up."

Then he SANG this, "Don't make me have to tell you again, that that's my [kitty] baby!  It is mine, baby, babe, mine.  So you better not give it away!"  Then he said, "So every person in this mother[effin'] building, if you got a bad [B-word] you better say that to her.  Cause she might [eff] another [N-word]."  (Here's video.)



"Each gentleman within the confines of this establishment has uttered one phrase to his significant other.

"Now, if it happens that you are a fellow who is immune to insecurities, and you permit your lover to enjoy the company of platonic friends of the opposite gender, you have my admiration.

"However, you must make one thing abundantly clear to her. And it is a philosophy of my very own creation:

"Please do not require me to reiterate: Your vaginal orifice is my property. Yes, I am the legal holder of its deed. Thus, you must in no way allow others to partake of it.

"And thus I aver to you all: Should your female companion not mind the consequences of raising your ire, you must state this point to her clearly and concisely, lest she fornicate with another gentleman."


Oh, and in a case of just piling class upon class, Chris was being photographed by the paparazzi on Friday afternoon, so he took off his shirt and GRABBED HIS CROTCH.  (Here's a pic.)  (E! Online)


(One last note:  We have audio of Chris talking to a 911 operator after he wrecked his Porsche last month.  He refers to himself as "Christopher".  And he does claim that it was the paparazzi's fault.  Check it out here.)